So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
