i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
