I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
barbara walters just said penis...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
