I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
