I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
