I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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