I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
