first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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