Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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