The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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