Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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