I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just pee around me
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
