dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
