Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
