I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
