btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize