I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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