meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
