Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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