There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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