we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
