I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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