I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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