Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
