Small penises have feelings too.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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