I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
