Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
