Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
