best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
