i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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