I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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