Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
