I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
