bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
