I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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