dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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