she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I need to sanitize my soul.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
