Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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