He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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