The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
