do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
