Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize