mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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