so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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