Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
