Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
