We're like a lot better than the average bears
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
