walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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