I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
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