Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize