Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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