I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
