That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
