I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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