sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
