and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
