it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize