dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
