I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize