Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
