3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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