so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
