I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
