u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
