just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He's a Shit stain on my heart
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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