Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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