so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
did you just send me my own nude
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
