So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
