Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
